you got kicked out last night because right after you said "whats up?" to us, you downed your whole vodka ton and threw it across the bar.
It's noon and i am somehow drinking by myself in a jazz tent in broad daylight.
Your dick is once again the conversation topic.
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
He showed up to the Seder drunk and tried to convince everyone that he could read Hebrew.
the size of his penis is telling me NOOO! but his bank account is telling me YESSS!
You're so wise. You're like my sexual Grandmother Willow.
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
I just masturbated while eating dinner. Now who's the lazy one
Rick two cubicles down puked and that triggered three others puking into their trash cans as well. The janitorial staff hates it when we go drinking on a work night.
He put on a roller derby documentary. It was either bore myself to death watching that or take off my dress. He was very appreciative.
I woke up in a bath tub and my face was sore and it wasn't because of you, I was impressed
On her way to bed she said, "If you have sex on the couch, just move my blanket" Needles to say, we moved the blanket
when a dude sends me an unwanted dick pic I just send him a picture of a nicer one. A more photogenic one. A dick with a future.
I apparently tried to wax off my nipples.This explains the pain
Randomize
