and all i could think was, am i really about to have sex with someone who still thinks that pee comes out of the actual vagina?
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
Stop making all the ice cubes only big enough to fit in your bong. It takes like 3 trays for a glass of ice water
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
She got turned on by my fanny pack full of condoms. I can't believe you said it was a bad idea to wear it to the party.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Do I have to formally apologize to Brett for flashing him?
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I'm still working on figuring out my birthday blowjob schedule. I'd love to just have all three of them get in there but I get the feeling they wouldn't like that.
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
My new dentist just kinda stared at me when I told him that I used to have partial dentures after breaking 2 teeth while beating the shit out of someone, until I puked them into the toilet and flushed them after getting high and making myself undercooked mac and cheese.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Just reached for my phone in my non existant pocket while it was in my hand.
She dated an Australian guy or some dude with an accent. Normal guys don't stand a chance.
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED.
She’s either doing coke or thinks my cock has the Covid vaccine. Either way I haven’t worn clothes in 3 days
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