You went to the wrong car, tried to open the locked door, and started crying because you thought we were playing a mean trick. Then the owner came...
You know i think she's just using me for sex
I hate you.
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
So squirting runs in the family.
He took the Gold in Olympic clit licking last night. Canada should be proud.
I rigged together two of my vibrators for more power... I've created a monster.
STOP SETTING ME UP WITH GUYS YOU MEET ON CRAIGSLIST
I bruised my dick hopping over that fence last night
It's a little weird that I'm blowing my wingman.
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
I need a beard to bite.
He slept outside in his hammock, and then took a lawn chair with him in the shower because he was too drunk to stand up.
Randomize
