I decided it would be a good time to smoke on one of my deliveries but then I got the munchies and ate a piece of the pizza I was freaking out so I told him it was our new pacman pizza
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Drunk on an escalator. I fell like 15 flights of stairs without actually moving more than 5 feet.
Alone. In an inflatable pool. Drinking vodka and raspberry lemonade. I don't need approval as much as I need to know you love me still.
I don't care if the man pisses on teenage girls, he's enchanting.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
It's pretty bad that I know he's opening his door from the way it squeaks because I have snuck out of his room so many times this semester...
Watching dad use Doritos to illustrate exactly where to locate the clitoris. How's your family christmas going?
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
You are a booty call, not a friend.
i know i shouldn't tell you this since i want you to really like me but i just spent the last 4 hours sleeping on the toilet.
I had an epiphany. If a dude dressed up as Batman to ask me out, I'd prolly marry him.
we went book shopping, so yes this relationship is going to be about more than sex
Randomize
