I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
We told the pizza man that the door was most likely unlocked, he could leave the pizza on the counter and give himself 20%. He did it-I'm never moving out of Aspen.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
i think the penis that was inside of me changed my life
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
This costume is too restrictive. The priest and I cannot get it on while I am wearing it.
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Some Romanian guy at work just told me "you come my house, we drink beer and you come make fuck with my sister"
If he's not there watching you go for it. It's been a while bro.
Randomize
