I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
He fucked my earring out of my ear. Of course he's coming over again.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
You used the best tools you had at your disposal.
Slutty, slutty tools.
YOU CAN'T BASE A RELATIONSHIP OFF A PENIS
I LIKE HIS TONGUE TOO.
i'm soo broke, the only trip i can afford for spring break is acid
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
I was going to say I needed the exercise but now all I can think about is BJs
My work here is done
You yelled to anyone that tried to help you "I have a burrito, what else could a girl want?"
I could drive to your house and kick you in the nuts right now....and not even stop for a burrito
I know I'm not a hook-up kind of chick but he is a firefighter & an EMS worker. I felt like maybe I'd be a good person if I let a good person inside of me
bonus check + party bus = big hot mess
THE SUN DOESNT SET TIL 647 YAAAAASSSSSSSSSS. Goodbye seasonal depression hello regular depression
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
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