In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Is it bad that on the course evaluation it said "do you normally try harder than other students in class" and i circled "absolutely false"?
Just made my alarm the Lion King song. Too excited about waking up to sleep.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
I peed in my sheets during a dream. Like straight up. A whole new drunk.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Dude, he threw a pool chair off of an 8 story building. It was a successful night I'd say.
Okay I know I said I was going to quit drinking for a while but apparently pumpkin pie flavored vodka is a thing and I will not rest until I have some.
Glad to know I rate above a cabbage on the parenting scale.
Ya, so he said he had to change before he would go to Pizza Hut because he pissed himself. He ran into his house and came back wearing a cowboy hat.........and his piss covered jeans.
Well I'm sorry but he seemed so happy being drunk at noon.
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
With everyone putting up pictures of their moms on Facebook it's time to go single MILF hunting.
He compared my vagina to his favorite T-shirt. I don't know if I should take that as a compliment or not..
Smargarita sloshedurday tomorrow around 2
Bring a helmet for your liver
Randomize
