if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
what's Bukake?
a bad idea.
I asked him how he was going to celebrate tomorrow and he said "tits, clits, and bong hits"
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
they just started filling water ballons with vodka.
on my way.
Feeling better?
I can stand long enough to do the dishes finally. Been trying that all day.
I just had a contest with the toilet to see who could hold their breath longest.
I won
We went from zero to drunk tank in 45 minutes.
And since we used to fuck you are absolutely obligated to like my tweets
what happened to you last night?
I dunno man, i pissed in a urinal, sent you a picture of my vagina and woke up with 25 bar stamps on my arms.. you tell me
Since when is my clitoris pierced?
She did what?
Who. The correct term is she did who.
Did you see him? The correct term is definitely what.
I'm concerned I may die tonight. All I've been told about my bday shenanigans is to bring slutty clothes, a bikini, tylenol, sunglasses and pjs. Tell me what the fuck is going on...now
bring lube too
i hate all of you
she just punched him in the balls in front of everyone and yelled "YOU SEE WHAT YOU MADE ME DO"
Shhh embrace your inner whore. Just embrace it.
Randomize
