i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
I think its a sure sign I need to get laid when every cloud in the sky looks like a penis.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I like how you try to look sexy and just end up looking like a weird boy.
When I came home you were using a glowstick to eat peanut butter from the jar.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
When i'm home next we need to get baked and go to waffle house. I want to see if the waitress can still guess my intoxication level and what i'm about to order before i even make it to the table.
Here is a brilliant idea passed on from men who have that same regret. WEAR A FUCKING CONDOM ALWAYS.
SUNS OUT COOCHY OUT
Do you know how many guys' fantasies I've been told I'm a part of lately?!
Just 2. But still.
I made a separate snapchat account so I could swap nudes with a guy from omegle.
Why do all of your bad decisions sound like fucked up mad libs?
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
It's routine now. He comes home from work and i ride him like a cowgirl with only a few sips of wine. I love being his neighbor.
You were licking skittles to check if they were "halucinateizers" so no, you are not leaving the house while on antibiotics.
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
Randomize
