i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
Why are my keys in the refrigerator?
You said "This is gonna really confuse me tomorrow." Apparently drunk you plays pranks on hungover you.
This explains so much.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
I took a shit in your bathtub. Nothings off limits
Playing hide and seek with all those cheeseburgers... Not our finest moment.
No flamethrowers. That is a direct order.
Your brother came in a girls mouth for the first time last night... Ah the tales told whilst buying minors beer.
He set an alarm on my phone to an infant screaming and puking to make sure i take my pill. its working.
I need to stop drinking alone, I wrote a love letter to my tattoos
the bruises from climbing out of the window last night make sitting at my desk impossible. legit excuse to not study right?
Come to find out, there is a place where binge drinking and aggressive head butting is completely appropriate. In a mosh pit, Travis is just a regular dude!
But in fairness, I would totally have a robo-penis as long as it had full sensation.
I just got home and someone ate all my chicken nuggets. Bitches be asking for a death sentence?
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
Randomize
