I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
Come in. Grab a controller and a beer. We've got some Madden to beat.
You're the best girlfriend ever.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
We got Pizza Hut & Papa Johns, delivered within seconds of each other, and both delivery people did a shot. I was put on Earth for this moment.
Last time we talked he was trying to sext me but he was including pictures of fruit
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
I danced with this guy last night, I left like I was humped by a blind baby kangaroo trying to body-box.
I just found a half a joint in my bed. . .don't know if this qualifies as a proud moment or a cry for help
If it makes you feel any better, I'm eating a block of cheese...
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
You should make us a hot pocket to split while I go throw up.
WHY IS THE HAIRSPRAY SOUNDTRACK PLAYING IN THE LIQUOR STORE
Sorry your girlfriend got you a valentines present and you forgot to get her one.
How long will your dick be dry?
He was imitating a sprinkler when he started puking. Hence- vomit sprinkler. Some people just can't handle their tequila
I think this is the first time I heard a lesbian version of baby it's cold outside.
Randomize
