They are providing beer and having a margarita machine. This cannot be passed up.
hey girl hope you're alright, you hit that tree really hard. have a good night.
The cop and I then joined forces to get you up off the sidewalk.
it's only monday and im already failing all my classes. i give up. tequila tuesday is my only friend.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Just got shoved by an Elvis impersonator. Evidently it isn't cool to ask how much of a disappointment they are in the eyes of their parents.
I apparently used the line "I'm a bouncer too so i would know if I were too drunk" then they asked me to leave.
I'm still high with raccoon eyeliner eyes and chocolate all over my face and chest, clutching a mug of wine. Happy graduation.
Lift me 50ft in the air like a tow truck but with your penis
How high are you exactly
Just so you know, I woke up with 2 oven mits in my bed and no clothes on.
Would I be a horrible mom if I got a babysitter at 6am so I could go get laid.
The playlist was "songs to sing in the shower". I literally got fucked to Footloose.
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
