How was your Memorial Day?
Don't remember... but I do have an American flag painted on my boob signed by a Staff Sargent... Oh God, I hope that's his military rank and not a nick name.
Hallmark should totally make "congratulations on getting your period" cards...I feel they would be quite popular.
I wish I could donate my sober boners to my whiskey dick
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I know it's pride week, but your asshole is just never supposed to taste like banana.
I'm eating a piece of cake like an apple. At least my thought process is healthy.
Yea, you were talking about how you did not want to be a reindeer for at least 5 minutes.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
I think it was clear she was setting us up when she brought me over to you and said "Present!"
Literally got mad at him this morning because we didn't have time to have sex for a third time. I think I'm getting greedy.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
last night I used snow as a chaser
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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