You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
you wouldnt answer to anything but devil's advocate all night.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I made a tournament bracket for the girls that Im talking with.
I just threw up in the bathroom next to the zebra exhibit. The kids don't know I skipped a beat. Best nanny, ever.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
I'm so stoned I just sat here for like at least 45 min thinking about how I would get some jack in the box tacos if only I knew where my wallet was and then I kind of blinked and finally noticed I had literally been staring at my wallet the ENTIRE fucking time
I threw up a lot of peanut butter last night.
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
All I know is I woke up cuddling a jar of peanut butter....
i just watched a 27 minute video about owls...that high.
Oh and people at work think i got knocked up so my gay roomie is claiming it as his lol
All I fucking want right now is a cheeseburger the size of my face
Who cares if he’s younger, he’s hung like a moose. Your vagina will never forgive you if you pass on that dick
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