Reasons why i shouldn't be drunk and upset: i'm going to a boy's
thats the only time ive ever had sloppy firsts
She made fun of how I walked so I announced to her boyfriend that I have cum on her face before.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
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I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Shotgunned a beer while taking a bath.
no more duck duck goose at the bar
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I just took my birth control with a water bottle I found in my purse with vodka in it in Spanish class. 10am is still too early for me.
Giving my coworkers lap dances cuz it was my turn to decide our team bonding exercise. Go happy hour!
Today is a spill-drugs-all-over-myself kind of day.
Sounds like either a very good Friday night or a very bad Saturday morning.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
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