all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
I just saw the pics of me from the costume party as Party Boy. I've effectively cock-blocked myself forever.
She asked me why there was $2 in the lunchmeat drawer of the fridge and BBQ sauce all over the kitchen... I'm not sure but I know it has something to do with you
we put the last xanax in the middle and played hungry hungry hippos to see whod get it
fair is fair
if the best thing you can say about him is "he probably wont kill me" you may want to rethink hanging out with him
So my grandma sent me a valentines day present of waterproof mascara, tissues, and chocolate. Way to reinforce that I'll be single and depressed on valentines day. Thanks grandma.
Experimentation with dessert toppings followed by shower sex. Only logical progression bro.
Reached a new low. Drinking Wine from my thermos while on the stair master.
There's a questionable stain on Harley's bed...would they have sex on a dog bed?
Well, maybe we can talk about it over a drink and some crushed up vicodin.
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I found it. now I'm going to the gym to be "healthy" or whatever that folklore is called.
Does being an adult mean drunkenly signing for your tax return from a foreign country? If so, I've reached adulthood.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
Randomize
