He quoted an N'sync song to confess his attraction to me. Needless to say, I had sex with him.
She STILL went home with me even when I said yes when she asked if I had an infectious disease. Turns out she asked if I had an infectious spirit...well she has my infectious spirit now
Is it bad that Pitbull has taught me more Spanish than high school did?
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
We didn't need to cut her off. I'm pretty sure the lit candle she almost drank would have done it for us
If he comes over tomorrow, im answering the door naked. Simple as that.
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
It doesn't feel like real life when you open your hotel room door and the first person you see is wearing a rabbit costume. I'm too hungover for this.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
I wish I was there so i could bitch slap his incredibly sexy face
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
