Thanks again for letting me crash last nite. Sorry I banged your little brother.
he's a bartender at a gay strip club. maybe he can work his magic. with getting u in, not gay magic.
that's the nicest way anyone's ever asked me to send them naked pics before...
I did shrooms last night. My drug checklist is complete, I can finally graduate.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Fuck these runners passing me on campus as I'm waking to dinner. With my huggie. With flavored vodka and rum. Aka yum
We were supposed to hurry because the restaurant closed at 9. I ended up giving him a blow job so we had to eat at Arby's instead.
I hid a TracFone in her bra. We'll find her tomorrow.
I woke up to pizza pinned to my wall. So that's that.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
MY MOM WALKED IN WHILE I WAS EATING THEM OUT AND STARTED ASKING US ABOUT THE PROJECT RUNWAY EPISODE WE WERE WATCHING EARLIER
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
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