Did you REALLY have to twitter about our sex last night?
i threw up on the blunt... he was pissed.
i woke up to find out i shared my bed with a full, open can of natty light last night and didnt spill it. then i drank it for breakfast.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Drunk walkin through police station. America
We realized he wasn't with us anymore, so we turn around and he's 20 feet back, peeing on a squirrel.
maybe you should do the old hyperventilate, take a shot of vodka, sniff someone's hair trick
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Spoiler alert: my plans for Halloween are going to make our dealer's birthday look like a bunch of mormon ladies having a scrapbooking circle
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
Thanks to you I just drunkenly spot washed a Star Wars hoodie, at midnight on a Friday. If there is a greater level of nerdiness I do not know of its existence
I found my wallet. Still have no idea when I put mad dog in my steel water bottle, though...
It will pretty much be equal to the feeling I had when you let me hold your dick while you were peeing, or when I graduated high school!
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
