Just looked in the bathroom mirror before getting to this exam to see If I look as bad as I feel & the answer is no. I look amazing, even in yesterday's clothes
official worst smell ever. a used condom that has gone through the dryer.
Im celebrating the fact that the one guy who has ever denied me has just come out of the closet
Yeah i'd say someone being in the room while you're doing someone makes them eligible for fb friendship
I'm super stoned watching the vatican smoke cam. Come over.
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
I guess my vagina missed him because it called and left a 5 min. message. Color me impressed
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
There is nothing worse than the batteries of your vibrator dying on valentines day
I'm not saying I would have to be high to sleep with him. I'm just saying it would probably help.
My boss just lit a candle and said a prayer to get laid tonight ..
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
Just paid my weed guy with a check. I've got this whole adult thing down.
Woke up snuggling with a large wooden rhino that I stole last night...obviously, we had fun.
if I start to respond to these political texts with a middle finger emoji - do you think they will get the hint?
Randomize
