he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
I can handle NPR. I speak hippie. I took it in college.
Best idea ever: Giving hobos a beer and having a chugging contest to win another beer. Most fun I have had downtown in a while.
I guess I tried to spit on a homeless man on the walk home...Out. Of.Hand.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
Gooodnight my beautiful sex angel. Much luvz for joo, etceteraz
Why do I only have half my beard? My chin is so naked...
The bachelorette party was all fun and games until the strippers came. AKA you guys.
I apologize for chief "dances with dolphins" sucking on your friends foot
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
My doctor was like "I think adderall is a great choice. It'll definitely benefit you and you say you've taken it before so you'll be fine!" \nAnd I was like "yeah bro, totally"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
IT'S A GIANT FUCKING ROBOT, DUDE. LOGIC IS OUT OF THE QUESTION BECAUSE AWESOME.
The reason why I poison my organs is so that you guys can't sell them.
Dude I'm fucking tired of freshman, there are god damn teeth marks on my dick again
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