She was wearing a shirt that said "Just Do Me", holding a half of a bottle of Vodka, and was screaming at her friends "PUSSY JUST SWALLOW!" before she chugged the rest of the bottle.
Dude, if you don't take her, I will.
Max was wondering if he could trade you sex for the use of your jumper cables
Just gave a gay guy pointers on how to make anal not hurt. Reevaluation of life choices: in progress.
Want to get naked in Baltimore this weekend?
I passed out drunk and Jane had created a picnic on my chest. I had chips and a hamburger laid out on my boobs. The only reason I woke up is she was trying to feed me too.
I just took a dump to end all dumps. Other dumps have already written ballads about it. It was the Armageddon dump. Bruce Willis was there, it was awful.
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
You're about to makeout with my vagina, I don't think she cares that you haven't brushed your teeth. Just get over here!
I will pay you in sex, beer and popcorn if you will come fold my clothes for me.
Add free use of your panini press and its a deal.
Deal.
Greattt I just sexted my dad trying to write u back
I got married tonight..
I'd like to first of all congratulate you on your marriage. Secondly, probably one of the best drunk texts I've ever received. Unless you were sober, then that text was awkward.
How can i make it up 2 u?
DREW I AM SMOKING POT AND FUCKING. WE CANNOT DISCUSS THIS AT THIS PARTICULAR JUNCTURE.
Btw I thought it was impossible to use up 48 bottles of patron in one night but I was wrong...
I just wanna fuck your brother. Sorry if thats a crime.
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
