She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
Sex on a trampoline was so worth getting a mosquito bite on my penis
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
He then proceeded to try to whisper up my nose...
They past out watching a re-run of the 1984 presidential debate on cspan
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
a small fire erupted but we put it out with a can of beer so everything's fine
For every drunk face picture you send me, I'm gonna send a wholesome family photo.
Is "I want you to destroy my insides" too forward?
I was drunk while I accepted my job offer. Here's to growing up.
We had sex in the church bell tower and somehow it still feels right.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Alternately I could tell him western classical is just a series of events that had to happen for music to reach the point where Beyoncé was able to pen drunk in love, which is the pinnacle of humanity's artistic achievement thus far
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
Come as you are, bitch. Glitter and vodka provided.
Randomize
