he pointed at my clit and asked with a confused face, 'whats this thingy??"
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Why the hell does jager make you get to the point of having to army crawl around cause you cant feel your legs and scream jaga bombs when puking??
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
you texted me last night and told me you couldn't find the toilet.
That explains the puddle of pee in my closet.
We decided that the paper cups disintegrating was god's way of telling us we had had enough
its family weekend so i'm givin my little bro a tour of everywhere ive thrown up on campus
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't go on dates. I watch tv and play with dicks. dinner is a situation.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
I'M MAKING HIKING PLANS WITH THE GIRL WHO IS DATING MY EX, THAT IS PERSONAL FUCKING GROWTH
I'll start cleaning the house tonight darlin. So you don't have to fuck your two boytoys in the driveway the next two days.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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