I just want to hang out with her.
You're a liar. Why do I have to give you reasons you can't have sex with my mom? I hate you.
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
My bra broke.... so I Macguyvered that shit together with floss
I'm riding shot gun after Shawn took a dump in a happy meal box because we were making record time.
For Valentine's Day I've purchased six lighters and I'm decorating them for him. I'm on a full ride to an art school and this is what I'm using my talents for. An intervention is needed. Please stop letting me date stoners.
I vaguely remember making out with his tattoo (?) and giving him an awesome massage and then I passed out on his floor. Shrug
how did you know i stayed over last night?
there was a trail of glow sticks and cheetos from the front door all the way to his bedroom
Its alot like that time you got motorboated by the carni at the rodeo.
I wish I was there to have sex with you on the plane to lessen your anxiety.
That's the nicest thing anyone has over said to you.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Hook ups at LEGOLAND don't count right?
Are we playing inappropriate sexual encounters bingo?
You should be able to leave recommendations on Tinder.
p.s i need to stop drunk texting my mom. she brings up text convos all the time and i have no idea what shes talking about...
He said he loved me more than Kel loves orange soda
the result of growing up in the '90's
Randomize
