I even made an effort to dress like a conservative young lady who doesnt black out and throw up in her bed regularly today.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Nothing says "get your life together" better than waking up in a tub full of your own vomit. Twice. In one night.
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
It was as if you forgot how to speak normally. All of your words came out either backwards or in song form
you kept telling her you'd make a great step-dad while cuddling her and rubbing her back...
I'm having mini little movies in my head. Like for example. You were talking to a blue whale with jazz man sunglasses, but not the ray charles jazz sunglass. More like sunglasses that are round. Anyway, he has a baguette and stupid french hat. And you , you had your harry potter glasses.
Let's just do a victory lap through all of our exes.
He's like the unplanned child of drunkenness
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
We found her on the balcony debating if it was easier to jump or throw up. Neither decision would not have been good for the 91 year old below us.
thank you for being a reason not to completely check out of my life and start sleeping all day, crying all night, and living off vodka acquired through credit card debt
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
So I bought that bathing suit yesterday and got buyers remorse so I returned it today and then stole it. Win win.
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Randomize
