Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
is 1am too late, or too early to make bacon?
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
he said the way to his heart was through his stomach, i told him if he wanted to eat my food he had to eat my kitty
smooth operator
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
There r osticjed everywhere
I'm not sure, 7-8, the last bit was a rush of at least three blended together. Basically you fucked me so stupid that I can't even recall the number of orgasms.
So you know, I'm making that my facebook status.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
I confess. I just downed the bottle of saki. And I'm singing phantom of the opera to the dogs. Be glad you're not here for the high notes.
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
What is soo wrong about a house of half-naked people hugging each other and laughing?
The pinata full of drugs?
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I'm drunk still and I cried and now I'm watching Whitney Houston singing the national anthem and I'm crying more
5 am booty call not ok. The fact I actually went over definitely not ok. My vag needs to learn some control.
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