I like to think it a success when the cops are called
I woke up this morning next to some guy. I was horrified, he woke up and said, "the white tiger strikes again!"
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
I should have been more specific when I asked for 8 inches.
It was one of those "since we're naked anyway" type situations
you grabbed his arm with one hand and the bottle of smirnoff with the other and headed off to your room you were on a mission
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
I saw that you sent me a photo and the first thing out of my mouth was "I swear if it's another photo of a dick poking out of a bubble bath"
There is a direct correlation between gooch size and male fertility. Science.
That pizza at 1 am literally tasted like I was eating an angel
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Oh I'm sorry does your girlfriend send you better pictures of things in her ass? No? Didn't think so. Remember that the next time you wanna complain how I don't make the first move enough.
You like that 95% of the time I masterbate I think bout you?
Just wanna know what I can I do to earn the other 5%
Last night was fun but it wasn't right. I will say that our lives intersected for a brief and intense moment and we will just leave it there.
Randomize
