I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
Go to google and type XXX
.......Is that how you look for porn?
I'm jammin out to some Brit Birt, she's still my bitch, I love her crazy ass
I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
Fuck. That. I'm gonna get drunker and make them regret they EVER put me at the kids table. I'm a MAN.
Can you pinpoint the moment you decided it was acceptable to trade blow jobs for beers or was it a gradual slide?
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
I literally walked into the toilet, looked at my reflection, said "alcohol" and went back to bed...
I found them in the bathroom trying to wrap an American flag around Steve's dick. I didn't bother to ask questions.
Ok. You have started something that can only end with a picture of the inside of my butthole. It may happen today or next year, but it's on my agenda.
Also we had sex while listening to fleetwood Mac on vinyl. Like the 70s called and told me to fuck off
Wow. I hope you were either doing that in your sleep or blacked out. You threw up then covered yourself in duct tape... i wish i got that on camera
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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