I have all these new brothers and sisters I'm just now finding out about
Bought a water-proof vibrator. Rubber ducky is no longer the one that makes bathtime so much fun.
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
We tried to play doctor all sexually then he was taking down my 'symptoms' I said I needed to puke he thought it was part of the game
Throwing up while listening to pandora radio. Don't tell me my life doesn't have theme music.
this is a mass text to all the people i smoke weed with. I have Mono, so if we've shared a bong/pipe. sorry man.
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
Why is there a chicken nugget nailed to my front door?
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
not ubering you a puppy
She was on top, but I lost her at "alright, you look like predator."
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
Randomize
