Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
They got their marriage license when they were at the courthouse for her arraignment.
please come home... she's showing me videos of spanish parrots and is telling me about her dead cousin...
you know I love you but I need to see your friends tits
Every concussion has its silver lining
I'd say you were a shitshow. Playing floating beer pong in the pool you kept filling other people's cups with pool water and laughing to yourself.
The condom broke. Its OK tho, turns out I was just humping her thigh for 20 minutes. Jager dude, Jager.
I almost tried texting you with my pipe. Holy fuck this is good shit.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Come to Des Moines on Saturday, handcuff yourself to me and drink a bottle of vodka
Dude, I woke up with wet dollar bills in my boxers where did you take me???
He's mad about lube? You know what, don't even. I'm not in the proper mindset to discuss lube.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
You cannot steal the fun of my nakedness. You do not own my nakedness. My nakedness is my sole property and I share that fun with whom I choose.
You know something is wrong with your lifestyle when you have to clean easy Mac cheese powder off of your scale
at least it's not cocaine like last time
Randomize
