The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
She finally woke up and said, "Me- nothing, potato peeler- 1." And rolled back over.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
I think I ate my cheesy fiesta potatoes cup.
Dude, it's not gay. It's winter.
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
My fucking earlobe is bruised what the hell
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
That's really the only reason I'm dating you, the prospect that I might get bacon
sending my old camp counselor nudes. childhood memory win or new low?
She texted me this morning asking why all of her house pillows were inside her mini-van.
So thats where i built my buckingham palace
She was doing drunken zumba and screaming "FUCK YOU I HAVE MY OWN STYLE!" at the TV
Um I got a ride home from the bar with two random boys and one tried to bang me on my parents riding mower
I feel like I'm a car that keeps getting Bacardi 151 instead of fuel
Randomize
