Sarah Palin just got hired for Fox News. Watch out Jersey Shore... there's a new drinking game in town
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
I can't believe you just thanked me for a blowjob on my Facebook wall...
I'm all about sex. But even I know there will be a time to retire my junk. And that will be my 40th birthday, or whenever I'm hideous
The bad news is tonight is also a blue moon, ergo, latin, I will have to get 'once in a blue moon' drunk which I feel is significantly more dangerous than IPO drunk
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
posting about faith hill is really not helping you get me into your bed
Stoned, drunk, and walking into the library. Look at me multitasking!
So, I'm about to take my pants off in the Walmart parking lot, when am old lady parks next to me. I'm all the way in the back next to the semis. What the hell?
You were so drunk you coat checked your shoe... Not even both of them. Just one shoe.
omg sorry but i tried to stop you when you were at your drunk limit but i took my eyes off you for like 2 seconds and you suddenly appeared with hard liquor in both hands for yourself and downed them and it was downhill from there
It's time you knew: I have been dating your probation officer for 7 months. Pretty certain he's THE ONE. So, thanks for being a criminal.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
I'm at home, drunk, and I just called the guy I lost my virginity to and invited him to my wedding.. I've got to stop drinking by myself.
Randomize
