woke up this morning with "hah" written on my penis.i was like wtf?? morning wood kicked in and found out what it really said, haNNah.then i remembered.
my being single is dangerous.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
i don't know how the hand towel got involved, but i peed all over it
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And then she was like, "don't do anything. No blow jobs, don't let him stick his fingers in weird places because people have germs."
Does saving a line for myself for the morning so I don't seem hungover at work count as responsibility?
Adult decisions.
thing about being the result of a teen pregnancy is that all my baby pictures are of my mom and dad holding me around their stoned college friends.
she's sitting in the bathroom of SA telling people to come in for a toilet ride
Hey, the point is, I have 3 guys to fuck to get over the last one. It's my golden rule. You told me to find a hobby! It translated as "find another guy".
That is the opposite way I told you to find a hobby.
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Too bad pet owners lack respect for my training in ancient Buddhist and holistic rehab therapies.
I'm not sure the Buddhist consider pot brownies holistic rehab therapy
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
It's hard not to feel like a terrible person with bruises on your tits.
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