Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
let's just say, the carpet matched the drapes. in colour and length.
i say over christmas we have a beer pong competition with the cousins and see who really has the best genes in the family.
My dad just knocked on my door and told me that my vibrator was too loud
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Currently shopping online for cardboard cutouts of various horror characters. That should teach me roommates to stop taking acid on Tuesdays.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
We just took back to back grav bong hits and are playing battleship. She guessed Z - 12 so weve switched board games.
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I rammed pretzels and Jell-O shots down the throats of those I loved.
For the first time in my life, I still have money by the next payday. Who is this responsible person and what have they done with the real me?
She didn't get a tit job, she's just wearing the right size bra for once
so after 3 days of looking i found the keg...looks like somebody tried burying behind the garage
You rolled over grabbed my crotch and said "that's my waffle." I'm sleeping on the couch next time.
He's hot, clean, can actually cook, and best of all isn't a narcissistic prick. I found a unicorn.
Ride that fucker.
Randomize
