New word for getting laid so we don't sound like whores in public when we are talking about it : stamp the passport
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
I am not a stalker...i just bring a whole new meaning to the word love
it is 7:54 and i am surrounded by drunk old people. drunk enough that my grandmother and her friend just compared boobs. as in, shirts off, bras coming down. save me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
dude she looked like Newman from Seinfeld I'm done with this wingman shit
I'm going to a foam party and gonna grind someones dick off hayy
5am, I am wayy too drunk for this. Hookers came out of nowhere. They're like ninjas. Some poor soul got the fat one, tomorrow's going to be interesting...
I'm going to text my booty call and tell him nevermind, that I got the job finished by myself. That will teach him to text back faster.
This lesson is brought you by a psychology class.
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
I think I'm just going to go like every guy on tinder who has a jetski. I'm doing this for us, Summer is coming.
I'm so pissed theres no male strip clubs around where we are staying I looked extensively
Its just akward. Everytime he tells me he loves me, I have to respond with, I love having sex with you. and he just stares at me in amazement
my grocery cart consisted of hershey bars, sour patch kids, starbursts, mayo, 4 frozen pizzas, 4 lunchables, and chips. clearly, i can't do this on my own.
WAIT YOU’VE NEVER BEEN TO COSTCO???
COSTCO IS MAGICAL
I can’t believe you two made a group text to scream at me about Costco.
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