I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
ok this is the part where i go up stairs and pass out incoherently untill 6 30 tommaorw morning and not rember any of this. love youuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuuu!
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
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he kept refering to his penis as the "eternal sunshine"
so i walk in and shes blowing her vag with a hair dryer. so i asked what she was doing, she said heating up supper.. come eat ;)
i'm so jealous of you right now.
I finally got her to squirt but it wasnt a stream, it came out in the form of mist. I felt like I was in rainforest cafe.
While we were having sex he told me "this is what you get for not parking my car right" I have never drove his car. He was that kind of weird.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
all law school has taught me so far is how to fart quietly during lectures and how to out-argue the ice cream guy when he screws me out of extra toppings.
I was fucking trucked by the swat team last night on State Street after UK won. But I got a picture with the guy afterwards so I forgive him
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
A blind guy just told me that even he could see i was gay and encouraged me to chat up the girl behind that counter bc he thinks we'd make a cute couple. Are all Canadians this helpful?!
Accidentally texted co-worker instead of bf “I’m wfh tomrw. Nooner? 💦”
Just finished 151. Eating nutella off a spoon. Bring condoms.
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