I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
just took a cab, driver just asked what i'd been drinking- i said vodka, he said "can't do vodka-drunk, it makes me feel like i'm giving birth to myself" ...no comment
When my girlfriend drinks sangria it's like winning the vagina lottery
My flask crushed my baggie full of aderall in my backpack, why can't my demons just live together in peace
a search helicopter?!
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
I just found pie in my hoodie pocket... This break needs to end.
She just took the bottle of jager to the bathroom and locked the door. Now I hear the water running..if the house floods she's paying for it
OPIZZABONMYDICK
WHAT THE FUCK KIND OF NINTENDO FILLED GLORIOUS ENCHANTING FANTASY LAND ARE YOU IN?! DUDE DID YOU MOVE TO THE 90S?!?!?!
I just wish he'd leave so I can vomit in peace.
did you just send me my own nude
Come get me...at gazebo by side entrance....im passed out in a bush...this is a Bar A bouncer texting for your buddy
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
I should've known a straight guy wouldn't know all the words to Moana
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