My dream in life is to scissor with Ellen. I don't care if I've got a dick. I'll make it work.
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Having an 'SDSU Mom' sticker is just like say 'Hi, my daughter has an std"
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
So I think my aunt and her one legged boyfriend are getting it on in the next room. Traumatized does not even begin to describe what I am right now
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
He's not letting me leave till I cum. I am a hostage to my own vagina
I just want you to know that I think it is hilarious and wonderful that 40s are now your alcohol of choice.
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
I apparently asked the bartender for a plastic bag and told her I was gunna puke then grabbed two handles from the bar then put the handles in the plastic bag and left.....
you grabbed the breathalyzer at dinner, blew a 0.20 and told the waitress you'd eat her ass
You're a problem for me, dick game too good. In the future when I'm with someone I actually wanna to date, now I'm gonna compare.
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
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