I'll pay for our taxi if you let me makeout with the drummer and we don't leave RIGHT when the bassist does.
i just walked in on my sister drunkenly sobbing to sarah mclachlan. its time for an intervention.
didn't that happen to you last weekend?
shut up.
She said her name was "party"
The karaoke bar doesnt have electric avenue. Ill just have to pick another song and sing the lyrics to electric avenue
I had a terrible day! The only thing that makes me feel better is knowing Jack Bauers day was worse.
the first sign of life we got from you was four hours later. you smiled without opening your eyes when tom whispered in your ear we were getting buffalo wings.
I woke up to a hotel manager knocking on my car ( window was down) and asking if I was ok
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
The German just referred to my vagina as the Great Barrier Reef and that he was going to go diving in it.
Maybe I'm not hungover. Maybe I'm actually dying.
It was a recodring of you having sex ! It was like an ape and a dying mongoose at a buffet Xoxoxo
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
Randomize
