Last night I got a napkin with 4 names & numbers: Katie, Ellen, Kylie...and Brandon.
so i walked in, looked up the stairs and all i saw was smashed pumpkin, tube socks, and marinara sauce
Nhdgh I love you very much hello becausevs. Vagina pensiono
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
Do you know how hard it is to get cum out of a straw hat!?
Sometimes he has weird facial hair...Basically he has a penis... that's what he's got going for him.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
Be subtle and tell lucas that he should sleep here tonight. And by subtle, i mean show him this text...
You realize your sleeping pills are working when you pick up your iPhone and almost bite it because you thought it was a graham cracker
I cried over the lack of milkshakes I've consumed in the last month
On a happier note, I can fit in my old shorts. Dope does have its perks
I don't think anything is more terrifying than the thought that you might shit your pants in front of your boss
Star Wars means nothing to me. I know only the basics. Darth is Luke's father. R2 is short, C3 is gold. Yoda sings Rainbow Connection. The kinda stuff EVERYONE knows.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
Randomize
