it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
Sarah Palin
god, I love you
Still trying to wash and scratch the glitter off of my dick. That stripper should be banned.
yeah we were the ones eating jello shots out of the back of a jeep in the bar parking lot
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
I think I want to impress his gay best friend more than him..
I just made the pizza guy say helicopter six times in order to get his money. Even he knows how stoned we are.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
I can't put those talents on a resume
Nothing wrong with a few meaningless hookups. Keeps the mind occupied and the body satisfied
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
someone is getting fuckign RAWDOGGED on this campus as we speak and it makes me FURIOUS
I drank Dr. Pepper and instant breakfast mix together and threw up sober for the first time.
Randomize
