She went from zero to smokin in five shots
eye of the tiger was playing while i pooped... it totally helped.
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
This guys mom bought us a 24 pack and drove me and 8 others to a frat house... Hello moms weekend.
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
whenever he tweets that he wants to get blackout it's like a neon sign for "i want to bang you tonight"
You cant come. You're a Colorado native who drinks Bud over Coors. Fucking homegrown terrorist.
Is it weird that I Facebook creep hot people from their credit card receipts?
Being single for so long makes me fucking creepy.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I love this text stream: discussing the development of a business model centered around cooking acid to bankroll a yacht trip in Croatia
I just fell and sprained my ankle in the shower. No, I wasn't having sex. I was doing the time warp. Again.
Ugh. My life is a never ending cycle of bad decisions and taquitos.
you were so high you just watched the elf.... its spring
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