What was that guy's name that you dated that wore the leotard?
dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
my drunk uncle just explained that turkeys are not gentle lovers... and no context doesn't make it better.
I'm drinking a margarita out of my 'best bj' trophy and it tastes like victory.
I told my mom happy mother's day then rubbed my belly and said "Oh, and happy grandmother's day too..." She started sobbing. You were right, that wasn't the best way to tell her.
Hold on. She's wrapped herself in toilet paper and is scaring the dog.
Too many margaritas?
I believe some people would call last night an orgy.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Have u seen my thong? Last time i saw it was drenched in vodka and on his brothers broken lamp.
Nah but tell him his boxers made it to the basement
Doap. Just bring some lube and a slingshot. Not sure y we need the slingshot.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
I’ve seen not one, but three Facebook articles on my feed today about “how to eat ass”. Idk what the universe is trying to tell me but it’s needs to chill
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
He stole one of my good bras again. If I'm not getting laid I'm not putting with this shit. Also it's a walk of shame for you today, my car is suicidal again.
Randomize
