My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
marching band practice is quite the interesting soundtrack to sex
Charging the asians next door to us $5 a page to print their final papers because theirs broke. Bars close in 2 hours, lets go
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
I cant tell which is worse. That its only my third time doing laundry this year or that its the first time ive done it sober.
I think it got a little awkward for her when my dad walked in on us and did nothing except leave half of his pizza on the table for us.
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
Let us do this. Tomorrow night is thirsty Thursday. Let us drink whiskey from the bottle and have men in plastic gloves inscribe permanent images of each others faces onto our buttocks.
I planned on emotionally scarring him for life this weekend. DAMN YOU PERIOD!
Y'all best leave this "I can only have a couple drinks" shit at the door. U don't drive to Yukon to have a shot. I'm getting u fuckers drunk.
see that vagina ? that vagina means business
I found your dog. Now we are bros, so he is staying. Don't call, don't make it weird.
Dude he took a shit in the lake and it just floated around and lingered near our boat for 2 hours. I fucking hate that kid