Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
She had to get her inhaler in the middle of fucking...but she kept it in.
Saw my boss's vagina at that party. Hung over at work has never been more acceptable
he ate me out on his front porch at dawn. i orgasmed when the sun began to rise. most romantic morning booty call ever.
23 Millennials Confess The Things They Wish They Weren’t Attracted To
That's like being smoked out by a unicorn. If the opportunity presents itself you fucking do it and don't ask questions.
I like making it seem like it's at least a little bit difficult to hook up with me
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I'm pretty sure that I drunkenly used the phrase "I just want his beard all over my body" way too many times last night.
Lost feeling in my face, my shoe and had a nose bleed. That's not wings. Fuck red bull.
23 Gruesome Scientific Facts That Will Make You Squirm
Woke up in a bathtub with both of my legs broken. How was your night?
I pulled you and a keg around in a wagon for like five hours and apparently everyone else remembers it but us.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
I can't. I mean he's hot, but there's really nothing else there
You just said he's hot
NO YOU DON'T UNDERSTAND
I saw a penis covered in glitter tonight.
I want to start a guest book for my bed room so when dudes leave they can write a review