He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Please don't tell anyone I peed on your wall.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
walmarts paint section shouldnt be open at 3am
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
in my defense, he kept drinking all of my water.
he had diabetes and you told him to stop being a pansy!
You would ignore him even if it wasn't NoManUary. It could be the Winter of a Thousand Dicks and you wouldn't talk to that guy.
The Winter of A Thousand Dicks sounds terrifying!!!
Well you wanna do it now or later? I've had three shots and I'm listening to journey by myself. Emotionally there is no better prime time than right now.
If we order a pizza and I contribute 9 cents, is that fair?
She's like the Oprah of therapy. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. AND YOU GET A STRAITJACKET. WITH A PADDED ROOOOM
He was pretty bad, I wanted pizza the whole time.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
Sitting naked in my bed eating leftover Mexican food drinking coors light.. Can it get any more single than this?