forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
I had so many friends before that round of Never Have I Ever.
The cab driver just finished telling me how leaving community college after one month was the best desicion he ever made.
I woke up face first on my living room floor arms outstretched toward the christmas tree
These People Made Expensive Mistakes That They’ll Regret Forever
You know your in college when you use the receipt from the liquor store as a bookmark
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
i'm just sitting here watching hocus pocus, eating takeout, and taking self esteem quizzes online while everyone is out partying. you tell me how my night is.
He drew a bath for me. It was only cute until he started throwing in celery and calling me soup.
I need a burrito and a hug.
Things The Opposite Sex Just Doesn’t Understand
Hope you had your fill for the summer my friend, because all the cleavage has been put away for the winter. Fear not; it blooms again in May.
The ranger made you choose between a ticket and pouring all the beer out since it was a state park.
I've never seen you that close to tears as you poured out 30 beers.
I think pretend fucking a camel is a good thing to do downtown. They loved me.
smoked four grams out of a bong with a mixture of pool water and white rum. I applaud you for leaving before losing too many brain cells.
Omg one of the midgets from last night just added me to Facebook.
she made me cum so hard I dislocated my jaw. I'm keeping her