Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
I totally got off with my controler for my ps3. Soooo glad I ended up with that racing game for Christmas.
How do you know one of your one night stands hasn't produced a child? You may have hundreds of kids.
Pretty sure I don't. One night stands are purely anal..no exceptions.
You know, I had the money for a pregnancy test, but at the time, tacos were more important.
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
If I give you a key to my place you have to promise to one day wake me up with a blowjob.
And by one day I mean once every two weeks.
Just saw the german running around on campus. Thought of his small penis.
As you should.
This storm betta not fuck with taco tuesday
He could smell the liquor on my breath. Fuck. I thought he would smell French toast.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
I left the bar I'm on a bench across from the bowling alley taking a nap please come get me. I've had three lollipops.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I have never paid for drugs and I'm sure not going to start today especially on a holiday
There's a quesaritto in the oven. Neither of us have been to Taco Bell in 3 weeks.
How was your night?
I spent a lot of money and drank a lot of booze. Also was part of a successful search party
i can eat my weight in tater tots. don't test me, bitch