Thanks to blow jobs, my margarita's at the bar are only 3dollars.
do you remember how we all fit in that bathtub?
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
I learned to sign I want to be on you today
Deaf chicks here I come
25 People Share How They Got Out Of Their Longest Dry Spell
We're so high we're finding things in the room to build a submarine with. So far we have two cardboard boxes, a piece of wood, puffy paint, and an empty bottle to use as a periscope.
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
It turns out tequila bombs is really code for straight shots of tequila…who would have guessed?
21 People Confess Their Craziest Online Dating Experience
I only saw you for about 5 min, but you were rambling about how not even the whiskey could make you fight the skeleton guards.
Best oral ever, hands down so to speak. but I'm starting to want to meet that lesbian truck driver he says he's better than. Just for comparison purposes of course.
Also, I've found a new way to get drunk at work for free. Everytime I make a bushwhacker and there's extra... I put it in a cup. Its the Never ending drink.
Based on the fact my iPad is covered in pizza, I'm going to assume I ate pizza last night
I need a light and a towel. ive got cum in places ive never had cum before.
I woke up in your kitchen with my ID in my hand and my nails were painted electric blue. Dude.... never let me have fireball again.