Walk of Shame. In a state park.
my text book just quoted the cookie monster
What's the protocol for seeing the two girls you've been sleeping with in the store WHILE buying condoms?
3some
You're right, stupid question.
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
its hard to take this fight seriously when one dude is an oompa loompa, and the other is a "g spot"
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
Helped an old lady on crutches throw away her mcdonalds, carried her stuff to the car and helped her get in...most productive cinco de mayo hands down
Oh and my new excuse for not being able to hook up is cholera, feel free to use it
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
From now on, you must never doubt my ability to go from drunken rambling lovesick girl to Stepford wife within the course of a few hours.
I'm fucking a man old enough to be my father who is also dating my boss. What have you done with your life?
I woke up today in my boxers hugging a log and realized that I think I've gotten close enough to nature. I really need to stop doing shrooms with you
I was a bouncer for about 90 seconds until the real bouncers figured out that I was doing their job
I'm ready to run through the streets naked yelling "HES ALIVE!"
Not drinking until my bday. I know it's only a few days but it feels like when couples get celibate before the wedding and there's all that tension.
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