I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
ENDLESS SCROLLING ON TUMBLR WAS MADE FOR HIGH PEOPLE!
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I wonder if her husband knows I have my own drawer at the apartment
Definitely just found that pen in the microwave. What the fuck.
You force fed me pizza in bed last night. That was fun
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
National champion athletes like gay butt sex, too. I'm just here to help them out.
And you are going to be so turned on by my batman skills later
Meeting up with one of your students at your drug dealers house is always an awkward moment
Like do I send him a nude to ease his mind off his brother having a stroke? I'm not very good with words when it comes to consoling... I would be a terrible mother.
I definitely fucked a Trump supporter last night but I wouldn't let him fully admit it because then I would've had to leave and his cock and abs were too perfect
He poured champagne on my pussy while he ate me out. I found my unicorn.
The last time I went out with these guys I won an iced tea maker from a drag queen.
Randomize
