His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
Dood you jacked it to warcraft. you can't come back from something like that
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
No now hes going to beat me to our goal of getting someone to have sex in the library. I hate periods.
I don't know what to judge you more for.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The Swedes wanted a tensome.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
Currently behind the bar at some asian place, pouring drinks for everyone with a snake around my neck
Operation "Inform her family she stars in a sadistic lesbian porn film" is in full effect. She picked the wrong guy to cheat on.
She was hiding under the bed to surprise me with sex. But when you took your hookup in my room to bang things out, she thought I was cheating on her. So explain it to her douche.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
No kiss but I got free McDonald's so at least we can focus on what is really important here
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
im about to go through the checkout with 3 flasks and a wedding card. let the judgement begin!
update: cashier guessed cash bar before i could say anything. completely bypassed "dry" and knew cash bar right away. i love this state.
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
And on the way out from Applebee's he tried to take the basket of toothpicks claiming he was using them as a tax write off. Last time I babysit my dad on thirsty Thursday.
Randomize