Until that no good dick sucking whore stays away from my boyfriend I am gonna start blowing all of his friends...
I would kind of like a job that starts at 10:30 and i'll work til 7. I'm not very productive in the morning. My main focus is not puking from 9-11.
where does the pee come out of this thing
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Rent Disney Oceans. Smoke a bowl. Fast forward to the seal section. Then call me.
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Not going to lie- I'm a little freaked out camping right now. This is one of those high activities you don't do by yourselves...or close to bears
My therapist thinks I shld paint u something to show u my appreciation 4 ur friendship. 1) she must think I'm rite on the brink of no friends 2) this is real
Where the fuck do you get consience sedatives from?
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
I just told 2 of my vibrators "I love you." I seriously need some dick.
I come into the house and he's fucking doing karaoke by himself... Lady gaga
She then told me, and I quote "I want to send you nudes just to see how you'd react."
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