did you ever find your cell phone? and your dignity?
The answer to your question is yes. I am wearing a star of david to the bar in order attract a jewish man.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Grilled cheese and whiskey for lunch is why i should NEVER be a housewife.
drove into oncoming traffic. add a minute to my ETA
I have a question: does pizza dipped in chili sound good or am I just really high?
He had seven beers and tap-danced on the table like a pro. HOW DOES HE DO IT
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Yeah I don't remember how I got home last night
Judging from my pants, I embarrassed myself smh
Just don't let me get too drunk. At one point I pulled out my dick and pissed at that party. Like on the wall.
Ultimate cock block. About to have sex and your mom calls you so you can go help your grandmother figure out how to vote for the voice on her iPad
in retrospect i think my mom tried to raise me gay
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
Randomize
