Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Scratch that. Lia's boy toy's brother has a gorilla costume. This is gonna be great.
I'm stoned in an empty parking lot listening to dave matthews while looking for a lighter.... I feel like I sent this 7 years ago.
just printed out my drug dealers resume for him. guess the ecstasy scene slows down when kids move back home for the summer...
where are you guys? the police just woke me up on the couch outside.
Happy heartbreak day....you got chocolates, I'm eating them/ throwing them out the window at passing couples
Marking my student's "don't do drugs" posters while simultaneously texting my dealer, is this what being a grown up is like?
How about we just fuck in random places all around campus, and skip the boring relationship part?
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
Some days you ride the struggle bus. Other days, it gets a flat, the AC breaks, and you run over a bunny.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I lost a fight last night. By that I mean I head butt the bar and busted my lip open.
So I stole cocaine from one of my Tinder hookups
And that is the most millennial sentence I've ever said
I've seriously never been more thankful for marijuana and my resting bitchface.
He's the douchy one who wouldn't let me rip his shirt off, right?
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