you passed out when you kept trying to hold your breath during the underwater scenes of 2012
I love taking my adderall while im in class! As soon as I take the pill out everyone around me just stares in envy!
I hope making "real" money at your "real" job is worth it because you totally missed beer and dorrito mac n cheese tuesday.
Remember that crazy chick I've been ignoring and said I wouldn't bang her again? Can we start that again part today?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
it doesn't matter, he's just a life support system for his dick
He's a Shit stain on my heart
can't decide if i look like a hooker or a missing member of Poison today
The walk of shame is a lot easier when I'm at a music festival and it's 12 feet from his tent to my tent
You are living the dream.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just saw my ex AGAIN. The constellation of gays must be at some sort of weird point with Mercury.
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
HE’S PUKING UP BLOOD
okay all good I mistook strawberita for blood...
Your penis caused this!
highlight of my day: hitchhiking a ride with random locals. tried to make conversation, asked what they do. driver says "you clearly don't recognize me." turns out i have had sex with him and forgot.
You are officially qualified to graduate from college.
Pray for me.. I'm like the lonely vagina in a sea of sworming dicks
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