yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
after we finished we were both getting water at the kitchen sink...butt naked
so?
then my sister's foreign roommate walked out...in footy pajamas
It feels like he gave my taint an indian burn.
There's an old bald Japanese dude on the metra next to me. He's drinking MGD on a crowded train, and rocking out way too hard to what may be the same Dallas Green song I'm listening to. Life is sweet.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
??I have an official piece of documentation saying you are banned from Las Vegas.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
I feel like I should pray to the god of Febreze, because it is like it washes away the smell of all my sins from the bed
I chugged that bitch with a dip in.
You somehow managed to be a man whilst drinking a Mike's Hard. I commend you.
MIDGETS
????
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I look over and the both of you are naked, and he's eating chicken nuggets off the floor
Oh my god my purse is too heavy for me to dance with boys cause it has too many stolen sink faucets in it
Randomize
