Promise me that if I become one of those sad people that facebook pesters you to 'reconnect with' you'll tell me so I can delete mine and save myself the humiliation?
Hannah Montana > iCarly
I'm disregarding that text and your testicles entirely
um, yes. it's my birthday, of course there will be acid.
You would not believe how incredibly hard it is to climb on top of a three story apartment buildings roof from the air conditioning unit
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Your excessive judging is making this uncomfortable
proof that my night is going well: I can still open doors
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
EVERYTHING IS DISNEY. Even my sexting can lead to Disney.
it was good, but also weird. like, i came four times and then cried weird.
steve's beating me 4-2 in our "sexually confusing straight people" competition. steve is a wizard. this is not a drill.
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
Dude, my vagina feels like new again! I love antibiotics. How's your day?
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
Randomize
