i had a dream the other night i was titty fucking you while you were asleep, then you woke up and didn't care.
At an apparent methhead hillbilly bar and was smiling for a pic when one toothless wonder screamed "look at all them teeth"!
Another f*ing night of vodka youporn and xanax. I need to get a goddamn life
3 great things that go great together... But not on a Friday night. Perfect on say... a Tuesday.
my mom just asked me what a queef is. she needs to stop watching south park
Honestly, where the fuck is osama bin laden?
Talking her gay man friend into dancing with me officially makes me the world's best wingman. ever.
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
You know its bad when convincing your mother you were masturbating is the better alternative
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
I officially lit my glove on fire while lighting the bong. Winter needs to end.
Do not buy whiskey under any circumstances. There should be a UN sanctioned buffer zone between me and Seagrams.
Posh spice and Baby spice both in one night. Fantasy complete. God bless halloween.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
When I was sick she came over with Call of Duty, animal crackers and a handjob. Honor says I can't dump her until Easter
Then it hit me - his penis wasn't a shiny new toy anymore and I wanted a new one.
Randomize
