i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
Lets get really high and only speak Spanish to each other again tonight
I just made princess spaghettios..and I wonder why she broke up with me for not being mature enough.
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
we hooked up on one of my student's desks last night...i can't decide if i'm ashamed or massively proud of myself
dude you teach first grade wtf
this will be a night to untag.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
He's got serious oatmeal ass...take a moment and admire how google voice to text was able to detect oatmeal ass....twice
best friends dont let best friends get an STD of the eyeball just saying
I'm making myself a nametag with my contact info and pinning it to myself like a kindergardenter in case I get lost when I black out on Sat.
Can we laminate it? Just to be safe.
I'm stealing this baby.
Well I always support illegal activity but where would you put it?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
I think I'll shower sitting down. That seems safe.
Oh my God it's like my cock was dipped in lava
Randomize
