I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
ol I'll be okay, it's only a christmas party so the worst that could happen is I end up playing madden naked again
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
they bet me shots that I couldn't give people piggyback rides around the club just cause I'm 125lbs and a girl...I had a line forming after the third guy.
nothing says 'im willing to leave my comfort zone for you' like letting you choke me during sex
I had to keep telling myself 'you can't be mad at him because you peed on him'
I'm not going to be your wingman while you are in the hospital.
If fixing it is ignoring it, and getting naked. Then yes we fixed it.
Congratulations, you have turned my vagina into a garden hose.
You are driving me to get new toys, i am test driving them on the way home.
We are taking your truck.
I woke up with an empty beer bottle in my slipper and a note that said "it just wants to be warm"
Who fucking spams baby shark at a sports bar
If he’s halfway attractive, employed and cool with me having boytoys, I’ll marry him
Alex thinks he can revoke my dick privileges haha.
Isn't he the one getting all the privileges ?
Randomize
