Driving with balloons in your car is more annoying than that bubble fart that doesn't leave your ass after your previous fart.
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
The man at the Honda dealership told me I smell like vodka and probably shouldn't be driving.
Def ran into my elementary school babysitter at the grocery store. Still hot. And she complimented my beer choice. It feels good to still have her approval
He walked into my room in the middle of the night, whispered something about the patriot act, and took my tv.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
He never broke character while fucking me on the neighbor's lawn. I give him a 10 for his dedication to the British accent.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know it was a good night when you're lying on the couch in your pjs at 4pm having a pitcher of ice water for breakfast.
Start warming up your vocal cords, because Fucking With The Windows Open season has arrived.
Do you know how hard it is to be while you're high with a chuck Norris poster in the bathroom?
Just give me 5 advils and some sunglasses and I'll knock out on this couch no problem.
I'm really going to need you to stop yelling Campari.
Would it defeat the purpose of a run if I ran to McDonalds?
Randomize
