My milkshake brings 85 to 90 percent of the boys to the yard
Grossest hangover story of 09: Puked in the bathtub. I was in it.
Nick had a break down & said to me "Everybody's mad at me, I'm the douchebag, Im the fucking douchebag that everyone hates, Do you wanna come home with this douchebag?!"
You're going home with him aren't you?
I'll see ya in the morning when I leave his house
My Mom bought me a vibrating toothbrush. Maybe this is her way of apologizing for throwing away my other thing that vibrated.
When I was with you my penis felt like a fat woman crammed into a pair of lulu lemons
i was beyond wasted so he tucked me into bed and wrapped the blankets around me like a burrito. then gave me a bloody mary and an omlet when i woke up. and who says living with your cousin is a bad thing?!
I never thought I would have to get vodka suctioned out of my ear
My goal this weekend is to get a number that goes with the penis I take him.
Aspirations
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
dont know how to tell my grandparents I woke up in a frat house in the wrong town and that's why I can't see them today
it's a rainbow of FUCK YOU
The highlight of my night will be digging in other people's garbage
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
