At some point I made a semi-conscious decision that i was okay with sleeping in my own vomit.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
At one point last night while tipping the bartender you looked at him and said "If I need money later, I'm taking this back"
I finally had sex with him last night, but we used a condom so it doesn't add to my number of sexual partners.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
you are my new fav person for making him do the walk of shame in pink footie pajamas!
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
and then some norwegians asked us to be in their porno.
If 26 stitches didn't sober her up, nothing will.
Actually some of the best sex I've had involved a lot of laughing.
How small IS your cock?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I wish I could have seen the drive thru woman's face after " May I please have 20 Mcflurrys.....and a large diet coke, I'm trying to watch my weight for bikini season."
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
My husband gave me a key to his house. I thinks this means we're getting kinda serious.
How are you feeling today?
Like Satan handed me a grenade and ass sandwich.
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