Come back if u want to. I'll do some dirty shit to u mamacita.
Yeah, I wouldn't mind getting fingered in the corner of a dive bar again.
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Tip of the day: Don't ever send a bootycxall at 3 in aftnoon. No one will respond n u'll just feel fooolish.
Yep. How's your hangover?
It's like I fucked its sister and it's getting back at me.
That awesome feeling when you are pooping on the same toilet that nobel laureates have pooped on
he's definitely still old enough to be your dad. even your grandfather, if you come from a line of juvenile delinquents
She's posted my bail. Twice. Of course I'm going to be her wing girl.
IM WEARING A FLAG
So that's a no to the clothes then
FLAG
A duck just looked me in the eye whilst I peed in a lake. I feel so dirty.
walked into my roommates bathroom to her throwing up a quesadilla while singing come on skinny taco
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Honestly at least you're not debating on whether or not you need to take plan b. But I can't because I spent all my money on pizza.
He just ate a tooth whitening strip...
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